If you are newly single, you have probably been feeling anxious about the dreaded V-day. As for me, I couldn’t really give a toss about Valentine’s Day. I don’t need a man’s declaration of love to feel good about myself anymore, and this is what I wanted to write about today: how a break-up is the perfect time to start a new chapter and find yourself. Let’s celebrate being single on Valentine’s Day.
OK, let’s get into it.
Embrace being single on Valentine’s Day
1. Avoid distraction.
Whilst distraction can be good for some in the early stages of recovery, in the long run, the longer we distract ourselves from the pain, the longer it takes us to heal and move on with our lives. Allowing yourself to sit with the pain and embracing it will allow you to heal over time. I believe that we are only given situations in life that we can handle.
2. Embrace who you are.
Embracing the person you are and learning to love that person is going to help you heal. If you always rely on other people to determine your self-worth by waiting for compliments or reassurance from them, you are setting yourself up to be in a very vulnerable situation. Don’t rely on others for compliments or for your moods, give them to yourself. Care about yourself and value yourself as much as you value others. It feels a little strange but look at yourself in the mirror every day and say I love you. This is so important if you have felt rejected in a relationship or have not been the one to end the relationship.
If you have been told horrible things about yourself, you need to increase your feelings of self-worth right now. Ask yourself if what you have been told is a fact. Generally, it is not. What someone tells you about yourself is only their opinion, and doesn’t mean it’s correct. In reality, it may not even be their opinion. It may just be words designed to hurt you or bring you down. More often than not, it says a lot more about that person and highlights their inadequacies and feelings of not feeling good about themselves, than it does about you. Look for evidence to show that those hurtful statements that are getting under your skin are false.
3. Start a new chapter.
A break-up is the perfect opportunity to find the real you, to start a new chapter in your life, and to create any future you want. Now is the time to practice self-care and work on your body, mind, and soul. Nurture and nourish yourself, and treat yourself with love, compassion and kindness.
4. Look after your body, mind and soul.
For your body, ensure you are getting enough sleep, exercising, and eating healthy, nutritious food. Going through a breakup is hard, but if you kick-start some healthy habits, it’s going to make a huge impact on your well-being.
Working on your mind and soul is just as important. Ask yourself: What do I love to do? What makes me happy? What makes me feel good? Re-start those hobbies you haven’t done in years, or find some new ones. Get yourself out there, try out some new activities and talk to new people.
5. Do something that makes you feel like the person you used to be before.
Perhaps it’s picking up that paintbrush again, or joining a gym. Maybe it’s training for a marathon or enrolling in a weekly netball class. Maybe it’s reading or calling a friend you haven’t spoken to in a few months. Rediscover an activity you used to love that isn’t “mum”-related.
6. Re-connect with your family and friends.
They may have become a lower priority, and reconnecting with your loved ones and opening up to them is going to help you move forward. You can use them as a sounding board, and they can be a great support at this time.
7. Find who you are.
List all your strengths, weaknesses, beliefs, and values. Dig deep, gain a good understanding of who you are and what you believe in, and then be true to that. Gone are the days of trying to impress other people or making other people happy. Now is the time to focus on you and your happiness.
8. Have ‘me’ time
Self-care is vital for finding yourself. Having ‘me’ time reboots our brains, hence assisting our mental well-being, helps us unwind (and de-stress), improves our concentration and problem-solving abilities, makes us more productive, allows us to re-discover ourselves, gives us time to think deeply and uninterrupted, and allows us to sit with our feelings without distraction rather than avoiding them – which is essential to our healing process.
Having ‘me’ time is going to give you the quiet time you need to deal with your emotions, gain clarity, re-focus and plan your next moves, and think about and set your goals. In order to change our lives for the better, it is vital to take ‘me’ time, be quiet and calm and think about how we can achieve this, and take the steps to carry it out. Read this blog post on why ‘me’ time is so important, and this one on how to get it.
9. Stay off social media.
Stay off social media on Valentine’s Day if you think it will make you feel sad. Today there will, no doubt, be many declarations of love and proud photos and status updates of gifts received. Remember that although it’s genuine love for many, social media is also a false reality of what is going on in the lives of many.
10. You are not alone
Right now, there are single parents everywhere, feeling just like you. Single parent family units are the fastest growing family unit in Australia. There are also other single people (non-parents) wishing that this day is over with as soon as possible. There are also people who are part of a couple who are stuck and wanting to get out of their relationship, and perhaps they don’t know how. Remind yourself that you are not alone.
If you need a reminder of why being a single mother is bloody awesome, read this blog post on why being a single mum is awesome.
If you want something to do today and need some inspiration, read this article on how 17 single women will be spending Valentine’s Day (where I include my thoughts on being single on Valentine’s Day too).
And remember, today will be over soon and you won’t need to think about Valentine’s day for another 12 months.
P.S. DID YOU KNOW?
Thrive Tribe – the global membership experience for single mothers – will be opening again very soon! Join the waitlist here.
PLUS You can book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!
- Do you need clarity on whether you should leave your partner or not?
- Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
- Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?
Click HERE to read about coaching and to hear from some others who have gone through coaching programs with Julia, and book in here for your 30-minute complimentary Clarity Call.
The purpose of the Clarity Call is:
- For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
- For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
- To see if we are both comfortable working together.
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