Co-parenting with an ex who has a new partner - Single Mother Survival Guide

So, here’s a situation that can stir up a cocktail of emotions: your ex-partner moving on and getting a new partner. It’s natural to feel a mix of things… jealousy, sadness, resentment, or maybe relief or even elation. But before you let these wild emotions take hold, when it comes to your children, there’s one key takeaway – prioritising a positive co-parenting relationship. Yes, even with a new partner in the picture. And there are benefits for everyone involved. Here’s why:

Why Co-Parenting Wins

Children thrive on consistency. Knowing their parents are on the same page, regardless of their personal dynamic, provides a sense of security and stability.
A healthy co-parenting relationship encourages both parents to remain actively involved in their children’s lives. This means more opportunities for shared experiences, bonding, and parental support, which are essential for children’s development and growth.
Less conflict between you and your ex means less stress for your kids. And for you too! It also allows you to focus on being the best parent you can be. And on your own life!
Your ex’s partner could become a positive influence in your children’s lives. And believe it or not, your ex’s partner could become another source of support – an extra pair of hands for school plays, carpools, or even just someone to bounce ideas off of (or talk sense to your ex).
Sharing responsibilities and decision-making can make things a whole lot easier. Because let’s face it, parenting is tough!
By demonstrating respectful and cooperative behaviour, you’re teaching your kids valuable lessons about conflict resolution, empathy, and respect. They learn that it’s possible to maintain positive relationships even after significant life changes.

Communication is Key

Building trust and open communication is crucial. Here are some tips:

Keep conversations child-centred. Avoid bad-mouthing each other or your ex’s partner.
Texting, co-parenting apps, or scheduled calls can help keep communication efficient and focused.
Be clear about what information you need to share and what isn’t necessary. Boundaries ladies!
Talk to your children about the new person in their other parent’s life. Encourage open communication and respect for everyone involved.

10 Collaboration Strategies

Now that you’re talking, how do you actually work together?

Stick to your parenting plan if you have one – pick-up times, school events, medical updates etc.
Keep your emotions out of it, and don’t bring up the past.
Create a shared parenting calendar. This will help coordinate schedules, birthdays, and holidays to avoid confusion and ensure your children get quality time with both parents.
Discuss important issues like discipline, education, and healthcare and find common ground for a united front. Make joint decisions wherever possible.
Let your children know you’re both working together for their well-being. Answer their questions honestly and age-appropriately, and keep the lines of communication open.
Work together to create routines that are similar in both homes.
Life happens! Be open to adjusting schedules or plans when needed.
You won’t always agree, and that’s okay. Respect each other’s parenting styles within reasonable boundaries.
Celebrate milestones and important moments – such as birthdays, graduations, school plays etc – together if possible.
Acknowledge and respect each other’s roles as parents, regardless of your personal feelings towards your co-parent or their new partner. Encourage a positive relationship between your children and their father’s new partner, as long as it’s safe and healthy for everyone involved.

I’ll be honest, this approach doesn’t work for everyone. Co-parenting with an ex who has a new partner can be challenging. And often even if there is no new partner too! If communication feels impossible, consider mediation or coaching to establish healthy co-parenting practices. And sometimes parallel parenting will be your best bet, and that is okay. Whatever works best for you and your family.

But remember, mama, you’ve got this! It takes time and effort, but with clear communication and a focus on your children’s needs, you can build a positive co-parenting relationship, even with a new partner in the mix.

P.S. DID YOU KNOW?

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PLUS You can book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!

Do you need clarity on whether you should leave your partner or not?
Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
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For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
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