We’re not all born with a naturally positive mindset, it’s something that many of us have to work on. But I do believe having a positive mindset is something we can create, and that thinking positively is something that we can all do. Because we have choices that impact our mindset. It just takes practice. (Obviously, not including mental illness and depression, in which case, please go and see your GP and get a mental health plan.)
Just as we go to the gym to get fit, toned, or lose weight, we can start flexing our mindset muscles too. It’s up to us to put the time and work in though. We cannot expect instant transformation. Many of us have been thinking in certain ways for decades, and it’s not always a healthy way of thinking. But working on our mindset is one of the best gifts that you can give yourself. Because you’re not only teaching it to yourself, you are teaching your kids too, and bringing a much happier and more positive attitude to everyone around you. Your positive attitude will ripple on to your kids, your co-parenting relationship, your friends… And this is so much bigger than you might think. It’s massive.
The first step to really start changing your mindset and becoming more positive, is to become aware of your thinking patterns. Once you become aware of the way you think, it gives you the choice to reframe it. So even realizing that you have a choice with your thinking can help improve your mindset – it’s our choice to be happy.
In a recent blog post, I wrote about how helping others can make a huge difference to our mindset. It makes us feel great. Today, I want to share a new strategy – choice.
Here are five choices we have that impact our mindset.
1. Self-talk
A lot of us may have experienced some tough times, how we get through those times is really important. And one of the ways we do that is through self-talk. It’s really important that we start talking to ourselves in a positive way; talking to ourselves like we are our own best friend. And how we talk to ourselves is completely in our control, and our choice.
2. Choosing our words
Every day we have choices on how to handle situations and what we say as a result. And this is something that I am currently working on too… I often just speak without a filter, say things without thinking, and then think maybe I shouldn’t have said that? But we do have a choice. We have a choice – to say something mean, or we can say nothing, or we can say something passive-aggressive, or we can say something really encouraging.
3. Choosing our view
The way we look at the world matters. We can look at all the things that are going wrong in the world, and yes, I agree, right now, things are probably not the best they’ve been. But we can also look at what’s going right. And we can look at all the amazing things that have happened this year, and the great things that have come out of the pandemic. We can look at all the good things that are just happening in our daily life.
Let’s focus on the little things that bring us joy – cuddles with our children first thing in the morning, snuggling with a pet, having a laugh with our friends on the phone, feeling the sun on our faces as we take our daily walk, watching the colours in the sky change as the sun sets, watching our children as they sleep and realising how lucky we are…
4. Choosing what we focus on
What we focus on becomes our reality. And this is another choice we have that has an impact on our mindset. Whatever we pay a lot of attention to is going to affect who we are becoming and our attitude. So, if we are getting ourselves twisted in a spiral of negative thoughts, such as thinking about how unfair life is, we’re going to continue to look and find evidence to back that thought up in our heads.
Similarly, if we think life is boring, then that’s how it’s going to feel. If we think about what frightens us, and what’s scary, we’re going to be more scared. We can think about everything that could go wrong in our new relationship, or we could think about what could be. We could think about how entitled we are to be angry, but then we will find more and more to be angry about. If we think that life is worthless, then potentially our behaviour, and some of the choices that we make, are going to reflect that. If we think that men are assholes, then we’re going to continue to go out with men who are just that. And you know what? We’ll find the evidence we need to support that opinion because we are actively looking for it. See! We will tell ourselves. You were right!
Alternatively, if we pay attention, and notice all the good things, the positive things, the hopeful things, the uplifting things, and all the amazing things in our lives, then THAT’S going to become our reality. It’s really important we remember that this is a choice we have every single day. Instead of focusing on what went wrong in our day, let’s ask ourselves What went well in my day today?
5. Choosing who we spend our time with
Another choice we have that impacts our mindset is who we spend our time with. Jim Rohn said that we become like the five people that we spend the most time with. People rub off on us. And as adults, we have a choice about that. We don’t have to have anyone in our life that we don’t want to (apart from maybe our ex). We choose who in our family we spend time with, and we choose our friends. And we can decide that we want to surround ourselves with positive people. These are the people that we come away from feeling good!
Sometimes that might mean having a bit of a cull or distancing ourselves a little bit from negative people or people that can leave us feeling drained. Thinking can be contagious. If we surround ourselves with negative people, it’s very easy for us to feel negative and drained too.
But if we surround ourselves with positive people, then we’re going to feel positive as well. Positive thinking is also contagious.
So there you have it, my friend. Five choices we have that impact our mindset. What will you choose?
P.S. DID YOU KNOW?
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