Happy five years of parenting to me!

Last week my daughter turned five years old. Where did the time go? I can’t help but reflect when there are special days, or milestones reached. And I have been doing a lot of that over the last week.

When I think back over the last five years, although the time has passed quickly, at times the days were long. Particularly when my daughter was a baby, and then a toddler.

My daughter’s dad and I split up when she was two months old, so this birthday marks almost five years of single parenting for me (or – because I’m doing double the work – is it ten?).

My first year of single parenting was hard.

My dreams of my perfect family unit were shattered, and I grieved. I was also learning how to be a parent. I felt a lot of shame at that time for having a baby, and being a single mother. And I was dealing with my ex who made me cry every day until he disappeared for seven months. I was also suffering from de Quervain’s tenosynovitis which meant that I only really had one usable hand. I was literally single parenting singlehanded.

My second year of single parenting started to feel a bit better.

I found my groove, and I became friends with some other single mums which changed my life for the better. But I also started back at work which brought on new challenges, and had legal proceedings with my ex to contend with which was immensely stressful.

My daughter was also particularly challenging between the ages of 18 months and four years old, and there were times where I felt so angry and resentful towards my ex, I was tempted to fly across the country and drop my daughter off to him so he could deal with the tantrums for even just one hour. I had no down time.

I felt like it was so unfair that I had to deal with our toddler’s tantromic behaviour when he could just carry on with life on the other side of the country. Not a care in the world. Even though I knew that wasn’t really the case, and I had been the one to end the relationship. So I deserved it, I felt.

My third year of single parenting was life-changing for me.

I started using different strategies to make me feel better, and I trialed (and errored) different systems and processes to enable me to really enjoy life again and not feel like I was just hanging on by the tips of my fingers, and chasing my tail day after day.

It only gets better.

As I implemented what worked, my fourth and fifth years of single parenting have been amazing and only continue to get better.

At times it was a struggle. And at times it was lonely. When my daughter was up all night because she was teething, and I still had to get to work at 8:30 am. When she went through her phase of refusing to get into the car seat and would scream and scream, and I physically could not bend her in. And in the end, we would both be crying – her inside the car, and me, deflated, sitting outside on the floor… Missing yet another appointment. Being late for work AGAIN.

But the loneliest times for me were when the good things happened – when my daughter started to crawl, and when she started to walk. When she started to laugh, and when she started to talk. When she started to feed herself, when she started to dress herself… the list goes on. No one else to witness these monumental occasions, or to share the joy with.

Other times it was when I needed advice. Is she ready to sleep in her own room? Is it time for a big bed? How do I handle xyz? Is she ready for school? I figured it out on my own.

I went through some very tough times and I came out the other side. And it only made me stronger.

We have incredible people in our lives. We have a wonderful family and wonderful friends. And I am grateful that there are so many people that love her. And as she gets older, I am OK with asking for advice, and I am OK with asking for help. And I don’t feel guilty, because she has a great life.

And when I look back on the last five years, although there have been tough times, I feel incredibly proud. We are an amazing team. And she is an amazing little girl. I’m so proud of her. She is an absolute joy to be around. She is incredibly funny and makes me laugh every single day. She is super kind and empathetic. She is strong and brave. She is independent. She is confident and stands up for herself and for what she wants. She is the most beautiful person I know, and my best friend, and I am so damn lucky to be her mum.

And although it’s her birthday, and it’s a huge celebration, it’s also a celebration for me. Five years of parenting, mostly on my own. And we are not only surviving but thriving.

P.S DID YOU KNOW?

You can also book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!

Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?

Click HERE to read about coaching and to hear from some others who have gone through coaching programs with Julia, and book in here for your 30-minute complimentary Clarity Call.

The purpose of the Clarity Call is:

For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
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