How I got through the dark days

Every time my daughter is away I worry that my ex may not bring her back. It’s a feeling I hope most won’t ever know. But for a small percentage of us, the possibility is real.

And so I go through a period of a few dark, dark days. And even though I’ve spent years working on my mindset, sometimes the darkness is hard to shake.

Last week was one of those dark periods.

And if you can relate to that fear, then you are not alone. I hope that by sharing some strategies that worked for me, perhaps you will find some that will work for you too.

So what did help me get through the darkness?

1. I cried.

I cried a lot. I cried at anything and everything. Usually, I am a very positive person, but last week I was FRA-GILE. Normally I would recommend sitting with sad thoughts and working through them, but because my thoughts were so dark. I did NOT want to be in my head. I do recommend having a cry though, because you may get it out of your system.

2. I had lots of couch time.

I got cosy on the couch and I watched TV and movies. Any shows that distracted my mind for a little while were great. And I drank tea. Lots of tea.

3. I spent time with my family.

The day after my daughter left we had a birthday in the family and hence a family dinner. It was something I couldn’t cancel. But it was a blessing in disguise because it forced me to get off the couch and enter society. Even if only briefly. It was good to mix up my isolation and get a bit of balance into the mix. Not to mention get out of my head for a little while.

4. I canceled plans.

I just didn’t feel up to socializing at first. Luckily the people I had plans with on day three and four of my daughter being away were very understanding of my situation because canceling plans is just not me. But you know what? Sometimes you’ve just gotta do what you’ve gotta do. And there is nothing wrong with that GF. Your mental health comes first. Listen to your body. If you need time alone, time alone you shall have!

5. I exercised.

By the third day my daughter was away I had made the decision to exercise every day for my mental health. I was feeling so lousy that I knew it was just something I had to do. So I forced myself, even when it was the LAST thing I felt like doing. I even ran for 45 minutes last week, and I do not run. Give me any exercise, but not running. Walking, on the other hand, I love. But on that first day last week at the gym? I ran on that bloody treadmill like I’ve never run before.

And you know what? It helped me get out of my head. Even if, at first, only for that one hour a day. Doing this consistently while my daughter has been away has made a HUGE difference to my sanity.

This week I have been struggling a lot. I have my bad days too and I do not always have my shit together. Ive done things this week I advise against when feeling shitty – I drank too much on Sunday, and I cancelled plans on Tuesday AND Wednesday. I have not been myself. At all. But I know when I’m feeling bad mentally the one thing that always helps (even if only for that one hour) is exercise. And so this week I have been smashing exercise and my time at the gym. This is one thing I’ve been forcing myself to do. I even ran for 45 minutes yesterday, and those that know me well know that I do not run. Give me any exercise, but not running. Walking on the other hand, I love. But yesterday? I ran on that bloody treadmill like I’ve never run before. And baths, self pampering, and tea. And slowly, each day I’m managing a little better. And I have not cancelled my plans for tonight #progress. I am forcing myself and I need a good laugh #bookofmormon. I’m being kind to myself, and I’m doing the best I can in this moment. And if I need to cry, I’ll cry. Phew, what an emotional week. I miss my daughter so much and it kills me to not speak to her or know where she is ? I hope that wherever she is, she’s having lots of fun ? What do you do to get you through the dark days? ❤️ ❤

A post shared by Single Mother Survival Guide (@singlemothersurvivalguide) on Jul 11, 2018 at 5:52pm PDT

6. I went shopping.

Shopping for myself is something that I don’t do too much of. It’s not a huge priority when all the bills fall on me. And I’d rather save my money for bigger things like trips away with my daughter. BUT it felt pretty damn good to go and have a bit of a splurge and update my winter wardrobe. I can’t remember the last time I spent a day out shopping for myself. Plus, I was so distracted, it was the perfect way to get out of my head.

7. I found a way to laugh.

On the fifth day my daughter was away I had a ticket booked to see The Book of Mormon with some people I knew. To be honest, I didn’t want to go. But I had heard it was a very funny musical, and considering the tickets were quite expensive I decided to stick with it. And I was very glad I did. It got me out socializing for one, and secondly – I got to laugh. I hadn’t laughed in five days, and it felt good. My daughter was always on my mind, but slowly the fog began to lift. Just a bit.

8. I spent time with my beautiful friends.

On the sixth day my daughter was away, I had planned to catch up with two of my closest friends. We were going to go to a Christmas in July and Bastille Day festival. Again, it would have been easier to stay at home. BUT this was one of the most joyful things that ended up happening all week. Not only was it so nice to see my friends but it was fun to do something out of the ordinary as well. And I also got surprised by one of our friends who lives in Hong Kong who turned up.

When your child is away and you’re in a dark place, you can’t beat being with people who you love and who love you whilst eating cheese. The mulled wine was a bonus too.

And the next day I got to see one of my other closest friends who lives in Adelaide, and who came to Sydney for the weekend.

If there was anything those two days taught me, it was – being around loved ones, and people who know you and your situation well is priceless. You don’t have to explain your anxieties and fears when it comes to your ex. They just know it, and they get it. And they are there for you.

There’s nothing like hanging out with old friends at a Bastille Day/Christmas in July event to make you feel better ??? Especially if eating a wheel of baked Brie in one sitting is considered acceptable. And there is mulled wine and Christmas carols too ❤️????

A post shared by Single Mother Survival Guide (@singlemothersurvivalguide) on Jul 13, 2018 at 5:22pm PDT

9. I tried to sleep, and eventually, I did.

A week of sleepless nights worrying was had. I tried to sleep a lot. But I just couldn’t. I was still too much in my head. But finally, on the sixth and seventh nights that my daughter was away, I got full and uninterrupted worry-free nights of sleep and I started to feel like myself again.

10. I decided to be positive.

On the ninth day my daughter was away (which was Monday this week) I made the decision that I was going to change my mindset. I firmly believe (unless you have a mental illness) our mindset is a choice.

My week of moping was over. I was done with it. Feeling sad and filled with anxiety and worry is an awful feeling, and I’d decided I’d had enough. I knew that ruminating about things out of my control was a waste of time and energy. There is nothing I can do about the current situation, so I decided to choose positive, and be more like myself again. So I stuck a smile on my face and I got on with it.

HAPPY Monday! This is how I am going to view today ? Happy! Who’s with me? Last week I had my week of moping. And this week? I choose to be positive! I was talking to a very good friend of mine last week who is also struggling at the moment, and we both agreed that what will help in both our cases is reminding ourselves that our suffering is temporary. It will pass. I thought about that a lot over the weekend, and I know that I won’t feel like this forever. And today I am choosing to put my worries to the side and have a bloody great day!! Because there is NOTHING I can do about the current situation. I hope you have a great day too! ☀️

A post shared by Single Mother Survival Guide (@singlemothersurvivalguide) on Jul 15, 2018 at

1:10pm PDT

And something miraculous happened. I do believe we attract what we put out. And the day that I decided to be positive, my daughter called. We only got to speak for a few minutes, but I GOT TO SPEAK TO MY DAUGHTER.

And moving into the second week without my daughter, I will be flexing my mindset muscles. I will not worry about the future or things that are currently out of my control. I will be going to the movies, catching up with friends and family, continuing to exercise every day, sleeping, relaxing, getting my work done and making the most of the time alone until my daughter is back at home with me.

P.S DID YOU KNOW?

You can book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!

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