It’s easy to fall into the trap of saying ‘yes’ to every demand, every request, and every obligation. However, constantly stretching yourself thin can lead to burnout, stress, and a sense of losing control over your own life. Especially, because being a single mum is demanding. And you are often juggling multiple roles at once: parent, financial provider, counsellor, chef, chief admin officer, Uber driver, nurse, and more. This is why setting healthy boundaries and learning to say ‘no’ with confidence is crucial for your sanity and well-being.
In this blog post, we discuss the power of saying ‘no’, the importance of setting boundaries and how to do it confidently, plus how it can increase your self-esteem and well-being.
Let’s get started.
The Power of Saying ‘No’
Saying ‘no’ isn’t about being cold or uncaring. And saying ‘no’ isn’t about being selfish; it’s about self-care. It’s acknowledging your limitations and prioritising your mental and physical health. And, it’s about setting healthy boundaries – invisible lines that define your emotional and physical space. When you constantly say ‘yes’ without considering your own needs, resentment builds, and your energy depletes.
Strong boundaries allow you to prioritise your well-being, energy, and time. They ensure you have the resources to be the best version of yourself for your children, not a depleted shell.
Boundaries allow you to:
- Prioritise your well-being: A full cup means you can pour more generously into your children and responsibilities. Saying ‘no’ protects your energy and mental space.
- Teach your children valuable lessons: Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships. By confidently asserting your needs, you show your children the importance of self-respect and clear communication.
- Reduce stress and overwhelm: Overcommitment leads to burnout. Saying ‘no’ allows you to focus on what truly matters, creating a calmer and more manageable environment for you and your kids.
Saying ‘No’ with Confidence
Saying “no” to things we really don’t want to do and putting up boundaries, can be an EXTREMELY difficult thing to do. However, getting good at this, and standing up for ourselves, can help us feel really empowered.
Saying ‘no’ confidently requires practice and assertiveness. This doesn’t mean being aggressive; it’s about clear, direct, honest, and respectful communication.
Here are some tips:
- Be clear and concise: A simple “No, thank you” or “I’m afraid I can’t commit to that” is powerful and is stronger than a wishy-washy “maybe.”
- Explain, but don’t over-explain: It’s okay to say, “I need some time for myself” or “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now.”
- Offer an alternative: If it’s appropriate, suggest a different option that works better for you or recommend someone else.
- Own your decision: Don’t apologise for saying no.
- Use “I” statements: Frame your needs and feelings from your own perspective to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, “I need time for myself” instead of “You never give me space.”
- Stay calm and composed: Maintain a calm demeanour even if the conversation gets challenging. This reinforces your stance and shows you are serious about your boundaries.
Prioritising Your Well-being
Don’t you hate that feeling when you have agreed to do something that you really don’t want to do? And then you just feel resentful towards them and annoyed at yourself for agreeing? It makes us feel angry, stressed, and a little out of control – like we can’t stand up for ourselves. It can also make us feel frustrated, overwhelmed and like we are spreading ourselves too thin.
As a single mum, prioritising yourself can feel selfish. But here’s the truth: a well-rested, healthy you is better equipped to handle everything life throws your way.
Here’s how a ‘no’ can help:
- Manage commitments: Saying ‘no’ to extra commitments allows you to focus on what truly matters. This could be work deadlines, quality time with your children, or simply getting a good night’s sleep.
- Reduce stress: Feeling overloaded is a recipe for burnout. Saying ‘no’ helps you avoid overcommitment and the stress that comes with it.
- Create space for self-care: Saying ‘no’ can free up time for activities that nourish your soul. This could be exercise, spending time with friends, or simply taking a quiet bath.
How saying ‘no’ improves our self-esteem
Every time we say ‘yes’ to something we don’t want to do, it takes something away from us. When we don’t put up a boundary (and this can be very prevalent when dealing with a difficult ex), we are eroding our beliefs, possibly going against our values, and allowing ourselves to be treated with disrespect (and possibly showing our children that that is acceptable).
Every time we say ‘yes’ to someone when we don’t want to, we are actually saying ‘no’ to ourselves. We are telling ourselves that our needs, wants and desires don’t matter. This therefore reduces our confidence and our self-esteem.
Saying ‘no’ and putting up boundaries helps with self-love and our feelings of self-respect. It also makes us feel more confident, in charge of our lives, less stressed, aligned with our goals and values, and empowered.
Remember, you are not a bad person for saying ‘no’. It’s a sign of strength and self-awareness. By setting boundaries and prioritising your well-being, you create a foundation for a happier, healthier, and more fulfilling life for yourself and your children. You are a superhero, but even superheroes need time to recharge.
P.S. DID YOU KNOW?
Thrive Tribe – the global membership experience for single mothers – will be opening again very soon! Join the waitlist here.
PLUS You can book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!
- Do you need clarity on whether you should leave your partner or not?
- Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
- Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?
Click HERE to read about coaching and to hear from some others who have gone through coaching programs with Julia, and book in here for your 30-minute complimentary Clarity Call.
The purpose of the Clarity Call is:
- For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
- For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
- To see if we are both comfortable working together.
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