Starting to date after coming out of a relationship can be like stepping into unknown territory. Especially if you’ve come out of a very long relationship. Some women I coach, have come out of a 20+ year relationship which can make it even more daunting. Online dating, for example, may not have even existed the last time they dipped their toes into the dating pool. Whilst of course, healing and focusing on yourself and inner growth should be the priority initially, the time will come when you are ready to start dating.
I recently wrote a blog post on red flags to look out for when dating. It’s so important to be aware of these when you start dating, but setting and maintaining dating boundaries is also essential for building a healthy relationship.
Here’s how to establish dating boundaries to protect your well-being:
1. Know Your Worth
Divorce can take a massive toll on self-esteem. Don’t you forget what a kickass human you are, lady! Remind yourself of your strengths and what you bring to a relationship. Believe that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. And don’t settle for anything less than this. Understanding your worth helps you set higher standards for how you should be treated and makes it easier to recognise and reject unhealthy behaviours i.e. stop dating the wrong person.
2. Communicate Clearly
First, identify what you will and won’t tolerate in a relationship. Then, express your needs, expectations, and boundaries openly and honestly with your date or partner. It’s important to be open about these from the start. Don’t be afraid to assertively communicate what is and isn’t acceptable. And definitely don’t be afraid to say no and move on if someone disrespects these. Be clear about the time you have to offer. Be upfront about what you’re looking for in a relationship. Do you want something casual, or are you open to something more serious? Clear communication prevents misunderstandings and ensures both partners are aware of each other’s limits and needs.
3. Trust Your Instincts
Intuition is a powerful tool. If something feels off, it probably is. Take it seriously. Your instincts can be an early warning system for identifying potential red flags. Don’t ignore red flags in the hope they’ll change or disappear, and take a step back if needed. Trusting your gut can help you address issues before they escalate.
4. Maintain Your Independence
When you start dating, be mindful to not let this new person take over your life and consume all of your time. Continue to engage in activities you enjoy, spend time with friends and family, and pursue your own interests too. Maintaining your independence ensures you have a support system and a sense of self outside the relationship.
5. Prioritise Self-Care
Don’t lose sight of yourself in the dating whirlwind. Make time for activities you enjoy and nurture your relationships with friends and family. A healthy, happy you will attract healthy connections.
6. Get Support
This is new territory, and we don’t have to walk this path alone. Consider joining a support group for single mums. Sharing your experiences and connecting with others can be invaluable as you navigate the dating world again. Also, talk to friends and family members about this new chapter. And if you start to feel uneasy about someone or suspect there might be some red flags flying in the wind, talk to a therapist or coach about your relationship. Having an external viewpoint can help you see the relationship more clearly or with a different perspective and also provide emotional support if you’re facing red flags.
7. Respect Your Time
Remember how valuable your time is. As a mum, time is one of our most precious commodities. It’s okay to say no to dates if you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsure. Always prioritise your well-being and the needs of your children.
Dating after divorce can be exciting and daunting. Remember, you’re not alone in this journey. Take your time getting to know someone before getting serious. Focus on building healthy connections based on mutual respect, open communication, and shared values. Building healthy relationships takes time and effort, but is absolutely possible. With awareness and self-compassion, by setting dating boundaries, and with lots of patience, you can create a positive and happy dating experience and find a partner who supports and empowers you on your journey towards love and happiness. You CAN attract the love and respect you deserve.
P.S. DID YOU KNOW?
Thrive Tribe – the global membership experience for single mothers – will be opening again very soon! Join the waitlist here.
PLUS You can book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!
- Do you need clarity on whether you should leave your partner or not?
- Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
- Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?
Click HERE to read about coaching and to hear from some others who have gone through coaching programs with Julia, and book in here for your 30-minute complimentary Clarity Call.
The purpose of the Clarity Call is:
- For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
- For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
- To see if we are both comfortable working together.
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