Reflections on Five Years of Single Parenting.

Two months ago I celebrated five years of single parenting. How that rolled around so quickly I do not know.

Wait… “celebrated”? I hear you ask…

Yes, celebrated! Because I’m doing it! I’m raising a child all by myself. And she’s the most amazing human! And THAT is something to celebrate (I didn’t go out partying or anything, but I definitely gave myself a high five). 

It’s funny how when you meet another single mum and you both realise you’re single mums it’s like you’ve been reunited with a long lost friend. “Oh you’re a single mum?!” one of you will shriek with excitement. “Me tooooo!!!” Like being in the single mum club really is something to celebrate.

And I think it is. Because we are kicking bloody ass doing this parenting gig solo.

When people find out what I do and that I support single mums, it often gets misconstrued. Some people think that I think being a single mum is so amazing that I almost encourage people to become one. But I wouldn’t wish anyone to be a single mum. It is hard hard work. It is never-ending. Being forever connected to my ex by an invisible string is one of my life’s greatest challenges. BUT. It is better, much MUCH better, than being in the toxic relationship that I was. In that sense I am free.

And I am lucky. I have been a single mum since my daughter was a newborn. So I don’t have anything to compare it too. My single mum life has always been my normal.

It has also changed me forever. In ways that are good and in some ways that are bad.

I have grown and I have done a lot of self-development work. I have forced myself to get a good balance in life and to look after myself. I have realized what I need to make myself happy. I have re-discovered my identity again. I have become emotionally strong. And I truly have become empowered (and I share how to do it in this course). Every day I think about how grateful I am. Every. Single. Day. I never did that before becoming a single mum.

But it’s also been challenging. I’ve seen sides of myself that I do not like. Having a small child will do that to you. Parenting is hard. Single parenting is harder. There is no getting away from a tantromic child. There is no easing the stress at the gym at the end of the day when a partner comes home to take over. I have learned that sometimes I am not very patient. Sometimes I can get really angry and go from zero to a hundred in a flash. And I don’t always have a lot of energy.

My daughter has gone through phases that have been so difficult that I questioned whether I was really cut out to be a mum in the first place.

People often say to me jokingly– when your daughter does something naughty, you know it’s because of the way you parented her. There literally is no one else to blame. Yep. If my kid is rude and has bad manners? My fault.

If my kid suffers in any way because she has been raised in a single parent home? My fault. If my kid suffers from low self-esteem or anxiety in the future?  My fault. If my kid turns out to be a drug addict? My fault.

OK, let’s not go that far. It isn’t actually true, but sometimes it feels like we have a lot of pressure on us.

But the opposite IS true. My daughter is amazing. She’s kind, she’s empathetic, she’s confident, she’s curious, she’s strong-willed, she’s independent, she’s determined. And I did that. Me!

Sometimes I wonder how my life would be now, and what kind of a mum I would have been if I had had a good relationship with my daughter’s dad and we were still together. I may have been a much better mum. I may have had more time to myself and much more balance in my life. I may have had less financial pressure, and less pressure of doing ALL the parenting. ALL of it. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have a partner who supported the challenges of parenting (rather than an ex-partner who laughs at me when I tell him about a particularly challenging time and how much I am struggling through it).

But. As I think back on the last five years, there is a lot of good. A lot of positive outcomes. In fact, it’s mostly been positive. I have learned a lot (keep an eye out for an upcoming blog post on my top lessons learned in five years of single parenting), my daughter is happy and healthy, and we have a great bond. We are a team. And I wouldn’t have my life any other way. Everything is exactly as it should be.

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P.S DID YOU KNOW?

You can book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!

• Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
• Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?

Click HERE to read about coaching and read some testimonials, and book here for your complimentary Clarity Call.  

The purpose of the Clarity Call is:

1. For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
2. For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
3. To see if we are a good fit to work together.

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