Ten Ridiculous Misconceptions About Single Mums

Since becoming a single mum over four and a half years ago, I have come across many misconceptions about single mothers. Some make me laugh, some are a little offensive if I am honest. Here are ten common misconceptions about single mothers.

1. We want to steal other women’s husbands.

This one blows my mind. It’s something that I have personally never experienced, but a lot of other single mums that I know have experienced a vibe from other women, or have been distanced from “friends” because of the fear that we are out to husband steal. No offence to all the women out there with husbands, but no! You can keep him for yourself. We are perfectly happy as we are, and are definitely not out to separate any families.

2. We hate men.

The general assumption is that single mums hate men. We must be bitter because our partners or husbands left us. Not true. Single mums are single mums for many reasons. Yes, some have been hurt through abuse or infidelity, but sometimes relationships just run their course. And sometimes husbands or partners pass away. Even if one man has done wrong by us, it does not mean we hate fifty percent of the population.

3. We are on struggle street and barely keeping it together.

You only have to listen to the Single Mother Survival Guide Podcast to realise that this is far from true. The women I have spoken to on there are freaking AMAZING!!! Sure, we may not have our sh*t together straight after a separation, but guess what? Most of us do get over it, and we do get our sh*t together. We become emotionally strong, we don’t take any crap, we have bigger and better goals, we have a better idea of what we want, and we are far better organised (because we have to be).

4. Our children are worse off.

The misconception is that children are worse off if they are raised in a home with only one parent (or in two separate homes), rather than in a home with two parents who are together. I get that this may be the ideal, but sometimes life does not turn out like that. Relationships can become toxic, children can witness regular arguments (or even abuse) or even live in a house where no one talks to each other. My home is peaceful, it is noisy and joyful, it is fun. We sing and dance. A lot. And most importantly, my daughter is very happy.

As a child of divorce myself, I find it really interesting that so many other people have said to me (both whilst growing up, and as an adult): I wish my parents had divorced. Food for thought.

5. Our children are deprived.

Whilst it can be tough for some to financially provide for their children, single mums bend over backwards to ensure their kids don’t go without anything. In fact, in my experience – what is most common is the opposite problem. Some single mothers (and I have been guilty of doing this myself), will try to overcompensate by throwing excessive birthday parties, or enrolling them in every school activity possible or making sure they always get presents, because they feel guilty or they want to make sure their children aren’t disadvantaged.

6. Our sole mission is to find a new man (any man will do).

Whilst loneliness can be true for some single mothers, it doesn’t mean we don’t have standards. I know I don’t just speak for myself when I say that I am perfectly happy being single, and that I love my life. When I decide to re-partner, that man is going to have to be pretty amazing. I want someone who lifts me up, who will add value to my life, who will be a great role model for my daughter. Someone to add the cherry on top. It’s a big decision. We are fiercely protective of our children and our hearts, and any man will definitely not do.

7. We don’t have a life.

Single mothers tend to make more effort to socialise as they have less adult interaction at home. My social life has been fantastic since becoming a single mum. Am I out every weekend drinking champagne? Of course not. But I have made a big effort to meet other single mums over the last four years, and we often get together with our children. I see my other friends more regularly too. And sometimes we do go out, drink champagne and let our hair down too.

8. They don’t know how we do it.

How do you do it? I could never be a single mother! Is something single mothers often hear. From time to time when my daughter is going through a particularly challenging phase, I wonder the same thing. But we DO do it, because we have to. Sometimes we take it day by day. But we get through the tough days, because there is no other choice. And the reality is – you could too. If you had to, you would.

9. Everyone can relate to our situation.

I can guarantee this is the number one thing most single mothers hear. Other mothers (in a relationship) know exactly what life is like for us apparently. If a woman’s husband goes away for work for two days, suddenly they’ve lived in our shoes. Whilst the experience of being the only adult in the house is similar, that’s where it ends. The bigger challenges for single mothers exist around emotional and financial support.

10. Single mothers raise criminals.

This is an interesting one. As far as I know, crime is often related to poverty and drugs among other things. This has nothing to do with the structure of a family. End of story.

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P.S DID YOU KNOW?

Thrive Tribe – the global membership experience for single mothers – will be opening again for enrolment later this year. Join the waitlist here.

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