Tinder Surprise

Dating as a single mum is not the easiest thing in the world. But my family, friends, regular blog readers, and podcast listeners will know that this year I am prioritizing dating more. You can read about that here.

I am keeping a log this year on my dating adventures as a single mum, and am also sharing some of my past experiences of dating since becoming a single mother, including the highs and lows. You can read Part 1 here. And read on for Part 2.

Part 2

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to update this Tinder Surprise blog post series.

There’s a couple of reasons for this. Firstly, I have had a lot going on in my life and just haven’t had the chance, or been in the right head space, to write as much as I’d like. Secondly, I had a third date back in January, and we have continued to see each other since then. And truth be told, I don’t want to jinx it, so I’m not going to write about it… just yet. Plus it was a little bumpy recently and we’re in recovery mode. BUT, I do want to tell you an amusing story that happened recently, and I think there is a lesson to be learnt.

The story starts back in May 2016 when I attended a family friend’s 50^th birthday party. There was a man at the party who I chatted with a little bit on and off throughout the night. All I found out about him that night was that he was in his early forties, that he was divorced, that he had two children, what he did for work, and that he liked cross fit (that should have been a sign right there). As I was leaving the party, he asked me for my number, and I gave it to him. Because he was cute.

He sent me a text the next day and we continued to chat over text for about a week, before arranging a date a week later.

Two weeks after we met, we had our first (and only) date. I arrived at the tapas bar on my crutches (because I had a broken foot at the time) and tried to sit on the bar stool as gracefully as possible with my moon boot #sexy. About 5 minutes into our date he asked I told you I had two children, didn’t I? I nodded, wondering where this conversation was going. He then told me that he actually had three children. When I asked him why he hadn’t just told me that (thinking of all sorts of different scenarios in my head), his response was I forgot.

I forgot???!?!?!? When I looked at him quite perplexed, he said It’s just that I haven’t seen my oldest son for a very long time, and we don’t really speak so I don’t usually mention him.

I didn’t really know what to think about that. How could he forget? Or was it just an excuse? But why not mention that he had three instead of two? Is there really such a big difference when mentioning this to potential dates?

Suffice to say I was a little put off after that and although I did stay and try to get to know him a little, I decided I wasn’t really that into him, and I decided not to go ahead with any further dates.

Cut to a few weeks ago when I was at a Hen’s Party that I helped organise. Later in the night I was talking to a girl I hadn’t previously met, about boys. She was telling me about a guy she’d been seeing for the last four months who she really liked. She told me she had met his two children, and stayed at his house whilst they were there for the night too. It sounded like it was getting serious. She mentioned his name, what he did for work and what suburb he lived in. After talking about him for a few minutes, I started wondering if it could be the same guy I had been on a date with. It couldn’t be the same guy could it? She had said he had two children, but that is what he had told me.

I must have looked a little horrified because she asked me what was wrong, and I told her that I thought I’d been on a date with the same guy a year ago. We checked the phone number and it was the SAME GUY.

I decided to double check the number of kids with her again and then after she confirmed that he had two, I (rightly or wrongly) gently told her that he actually had three children. She didn’t believe me, and it probably did seem absurd. When I told her about my experience with him she was completely shocked, convinced there must have been a mistake on my end. I suggested she ask him when she saw him next.

A couple of days later she sent me a text saying that she had asked him, and that he had admitted having three children. She was just as weirded out as I had been, except more hurt because it had been FOUR MONTHS. She had met his other two children, and there had never been a word about a third child.

I saw her at my friend’s wedding a week later and she told me she had ended the relationship with him. I felt awful and apologised A LOT. Perhaps I should have kept my mouth shut? But she did assure me there were other reasons for ending it with him too. Plus she was worried if he’d lied about this, what else could he lie about? That had been my concern too.

Was I right or wrong by telling her? I don’t know. All I know is that I find it hard to keep my mouth shut sometimes, and she deserved to know the truth. What she did with it was up to her. I saw her again at the recovery lunch the day after the wedding, and the funny thing is that we’ve bonded quite well over this situation. We had another chat about the man in question and I told her how she deserved much better. She deserved someone honest and genuine. We all do.

My lessons learnt so far:

ALWAYS tell the truth about important things to dates because you never know who they know and it might come back to bite you.
Do not under any circumstance give anyone your number before you’ve met them, because you may be sent dick pics.
If they send you a link to their Facebook page, don’t accidentally like something on their page; they’ll know that you have been (not so subtly) stalking them.
Don’t give anyone ANY private information until you have met them in person and got to know them. In addition to your phone number, this includes your last name, Instagram, address, Facebook etc. This should go without saying, or maybe I’m super paranoid, but some people are crazy or creepy and you need to protect yourself and your children. It’s quite scary what you can find out about people online. Even if you give someone your phone number, they can find out your full name, and from there, whatever else they want to know about you that’s available on the internet.
Always meet in a public place and tell someone where you are going.
Just because someone is a parent, it doesn’t mean they are normal.
Before you go on a date with someone, speak to them on the phone. They will definitely ask for your phone number if they want to meet you, or talk to you. Politely decline and ask for their number instead. You don’t want to waste your time going on a date if there’s no connection whatsoever. Just dial #31# before entering their number, and your phone number will come up on their phone as a private number. I have to thank one of my single mum friends for that tip.

Read Part 3 here.

P.S DID YOU KNOW?

You can also book in for one-on-one mentoring with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!

Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?

Click HERE to read all about the mentoring programs currently available, and book in here for your 30 minute complimentary Clarity Call.

The purpose of the Clarity Call is:

For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
To see if we are both comfortable working together.