TINDER SURPRISE – PART 5

It’s been over two months since my last Tinder Surprise blog post. The reason for that is there has not been much dating going on for this lady.

A lot of people have emailed me to ask if I ever heard from the ghoster, and the answer is still no (if you missed that story, you can read about that in Part 4). I doubt I ever will. It’s now been over three and a half months since he flicked me like a cigarette butt and walked away with no explanation.

I did attend a speed dating event about a month after I last heard from the immature jerk ghoster, but the truth is, I wasn’t ready. I went with a few friends, and I was just not in the right head space. I still felt confused as to what had happened. And so I left before the speed dating part had even started. Then I went home and watched the previous night’s episode of Offspring in my pajamas, ate ice cream, and reminded myself how awesome it was to be single.

Not long after that, however, I went away to Mollymook for the weekend to attend a friend’s birthday party. I was lucky – it coincided with my daughter’s time with her dad.

At the party, I unexpectedly met a great guy! He was the same age as me, smart, funny, and good-looking. Unfortunately, he lives four hours away! We had sex a wonderful weekend together, and have managed to stay in touch. Though given the distance between us, he’s not really relationship material. It’s a shame really because he is a lovely guy. He even lives in a house that looks like a grown man (not an early twenty-something) is living in it.

The other issue is that I have an ex-boyfriend, who was also at the party, that is a mutual friend of the birthday girl (we met through the birthday girl). He’s still a great friend of mine, but I’m pretty sure it’s not kosher to date all your friend’s single male friends. It would make her future wedding and other events a tad awkward.

And that’s about the extent of my dating life for the last few months.

So since I have no news, I thought I’d tell you about my other two-speed dating experiences as a single mum.

Speed Dating As A Single Mum – Experience #1

Let me take you back to mid-2014, pretty much a year to the day of becoming a single parent.

I was very reluctant to go to my first speed dating event. It was also one of my first dating experiences as a single parent. But at the persuasion of two of my girlfriends, I hesitantly went along. It was a speed dating event specifically for single parents aged between 30 and 42. At 31 years old (at the time), I was the youngest person there. I also had the youngest child out of all the people there. She was just over one.

Because it was my first time, I didn’t really understand the consequences of ticking the “yes” box next to someone’s name after the date. For those that haven’t tried speed dating before, after each date you have to fill out a form with that person’s name on it and tick “yes” or “no”. I think I felt a bit bad for rejecting everyone, so I ticked”yes” next to the names of four of the men. Anyway, I was a bit surprised when I got four emails the very next day from these men I had ticked “yes” to.

When I sat down to write this blog post, I thought I’d search through my old emails and see what I could dig up. This was my response that I had copied and pasted to all four emails:

Hi xxxx,

Thank you for your lovely email, it was so nice to meet you too 🙂

I think I mentioned to you that it was my first-time speed dating. I found it pretty overwhelming in the end! I think you are such a lovely man, but the whole thing made me question if I am actually interested in dating at all right now and how I fit it in logistically. Sorry, the whole dating thing (with child) is all so new to me, I’m not really sure how people do it..? I think because I am so in two minds about it all, it would be more respectful to wish you good luck rather than muck you around. So I wish you all the very best, and it was really nice to meet you!

Julia

Then I found an email I’d sent to a friend in response to him asking me how the speed dating went:

Oh God, speed dating! It was speed dating for single parents and the first words that were said to me when I walked in the door were “milf!” followed by “Well hello yummy mummy!”. I nearly died on the spot. A third of them were over 60 I’m sure. Another guy said he didn’t have any kids so when I asked him what brought him to a single parent’s speed dating event he said he had a fetish for single mothers! OMG!!! People are so weird! There were a handful that were OK and nice, but no chemistry there for me!

Have you ever had Swedish pizza? I was thinking we could get it when you come over. It’s so yum!

And that pretty much sums it up. There was also a guy there who had a rose for everyone (bachelor style). Although it was sweet, it put me off a bit. And I’m not sure WTF the guy without kids was doing there, but that’s a no from me.

It’s safe to say I did not enjoy the dating part of the evening at all. For me, the best part was mingling with the other single mums at the bar across the road afterward. I’m still friends with three of the other ladies I met that night.

But after that speed dating experience, I got an email that said:

Congratulations! You have scored one of the highest number of ‘yes’ votes at any Fast Impressions event, with 100% of the men you met indicating that they’d like to see you again.

And that led me to my second speed dating experience in early 2015. The only reason why I agreed to attend was because they told me that all the men and women had received a 100% “yes” feedback rate, so I thought the men were going to be pretty amazing.

It was disastrous.

Speed Dating As A Single Mum – Experience #2

The first man I had a speed date with was in lycra and spoke about cycling for our entire seven-minute date, and the second man spoke about how great he was for the entire seven-minute date. Date three cried (I’m not kidding) for seven minutes because his grandmother had just died (sometimes you just gotta know when to stay home) so I counseled him. The fourth man talked about how yoga had CHANGED HIS LIFE for seven minutes, and then there was an 18-year-old professional basketball player. There was ONE man who seemed very nice/normal, but he was about five years younger than me (#nothingwrongwiththatIknow). But I had learned my lesson and ticked “no” to all.

Afterward, the group sat down together to have a drink and I had a nice, longer than seven-minute, chat with the younger man I thought hadn’t been too bad. He seemed lovely. I decided to give him my number. Twenty minutes later he was plastered and then spilled not one, but two drinks all over me. To cut a very long story short, I told him I wasn’t interested in dating him and he continued to stalk me for 14 months (not kidding).

Hence I didn’t speed date for over two years.

Anyway, it can only get better from here, surely? Stay tuned for Part 6…. who knows what kind of Tinder surprise is waiting for me.

Lessons Learned Along the Way

If you’re not in the right head space, stay home!
Be very careful who you give a “yes” tick to when speed dating.
ALWAYS tell the truth about important things to dates because you never know who they know and it might come back to bite you.
Do not under any circumstance give anyone your number before you’ve met them in person, because you may be sent dick pics.
If they send you a link to their Facebook page, don’t accidentally like something on their page; they’ll know that you have been (not so subtly) stalking them.
Don’t give anyone ANY private information until you have met them in person and got to know them. In addition to your phone number, this includes your last name, Instagram, address, Facebook etc. This should go without saying, or maybe I’m super paranoid, but some people are crazy or creepy and you need to protect yourself and your children. It’s quite scary what you can find out about people online. Even if you give someone your phone number, they can find out your full name, and from there, whatever else they want to know about you that’s available on the internet.
Always meet in a public place and tell someone where you are going.
Just because someone is a parent, it doesn’t mean they are normal.
I repeat – just because someone is a parent, it doesn’t mean they are normal.
Before you go on a date with someone, speak to them on the phone. They will definitely ask for your phone number if they want to meet you or talk to you. Politely decline and ask for their number instead. You don’t want to waste your time going on a date if there’s no connection whatsoever. In Australia, just dial #31# before entering their number, and your phone number will come up on their phone as a private number. I have to thank one of my single mum friends for that tip.
Some people are just peculiar. It is no reflection on you.
The silent treatment is not acceptable and may lead to ghosting down the track.
Even when you think you know someone, you may not.

Read Part 6 here.

P.S DID YOU KNOW?

You can book one-on-one coaching with Julia Hasche from wherever you are in the world!

Have you just parted ways with your partner, and feeling lost?
Have you been single for a little while now and need assistance with getting your life back on track and feeling empowered?

Click HERE to read about coaching and to hear from some others who have gone through coaching programs with Julia, and book in here for your 30-minute complimentary Clarity Call.

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For me to get to know you and understand an overview of your current situation and where you are at.
For us to establish what you need assistance with to move forward.
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